#havingababychangeseverything

mycity4kids Check out this interesting blog post "I became a child again at the age of 28! #HavingABabyChangesEverything" by Aditi Gupte. Read Here: http://mycity4kids.com/parenting/aditiitida/article/i-became-a-child-again-at-the-age-of-28

Deja vu

Today was A's (my little one) weekly check up at the pediatrician. So we hurriedly got ready. My mom and I packed all the things we might need along with some we knew we wouldn't need but carried anyway (you know how mommies think! Fine. Over think!) E (my elder one) tagged along with his water bottle and a couple of toys. We boarded the car. E settled at the back seat along with my mom. A was peacefully sleeping on her lap. I loaded all the stuff on the seat beside me and switched on my GPS. As I drove with the American lady guiding me through the chaotic roads of Ahemdabad I started enjoying , to my surprise. It was an half an hour drive amidst the undisciplined and honking city. Not very enjoyable for a regular commuter. But for me it was. I realized only when I was behind the wheels after a long time.

I was about to turn 18 when I kept pestering my dad to teach me to drive. He did. And since then I have been overjoyed to drive. I love it. Because my dad was out of the country for many years after I turned eighteen I got the car solely for myself. My brother was still young and my mother was never fond of it.I remember how I had convinced my mom to let me go alone once and how she had been scared to let me. But once she was confident of my driving skills she always praised me. If I ever got the golden chance of dropping a guest home or picking someone up I would be thrilled. After my husband and I started seeing each other I would pick him up and we would switch places. That was the time I enjoyed being a lady and let him drive.
But the secret was and still is that I love to drive alone. I love myself the most when I am driving. I feel a sense of confidence and pleasure. I love to check myself in the mirror once in a while...play songs and sing along in a loud voice smile at myself if someone is staring at me in wonderment. I enjoy it more because there is no anxiety at all. I feel totally in control of myself.
All these feelings surfaced again today while I was taking my little one to the doctor. What a rare co - incidence! Though I had so much in my mind when I began my drive in no time it made me forget all of it and focus on the road and on myself. I was a different person. I was a girl long forgotten by me. If a drive to the doc can give me so much solace then what would a drive without any purpose do? That idea has kicked in now and am sure going to find time to do it before I travel back to Singapore.
#drivingismypassion #mycurrentrealisation #longforgotten #shoulddooften

The FUSS Factor

Recently I have been reading a lot about "working moms" and "stay at home moms". Women and mothers from every corner of the world writing about how easy or difficult or challenging or peace giving it is to be what they are. Number of blogs and forums on which this topic is nowadays debated or dissected is surprising to me.
When I was a child my mother was a stay at home mom. Its just that I never knew that term. I believed that she was much more than just a person who stayed home besides being a mother. I believed that she was the core star of our solar system. She was the one around whom our livelihood revolved and nourished. She was the life and light of our existence. Even my dad's existence. She was everything but never just a stay at home mom. So frankly speaking I really do hate it when we now refer to mothers who bring up children without earning any money of their own as SAH moms.
Likewise...the term working moms is also equally annoying. To define any kind of mother in such cliche words is truly not worthy of what a mother actually is. Adding adjectives or descriptions such as these is itself a bad idea.
A mother is a mother. Even if she works to earn her own money or not. Its her choice based upon various attributes that make her life.
But what I really want to highlight in this post is that my mother never had a problem accepting that she preferred to be home for us. She never wished to work outside our home. She was happy with her decision and even proud of it.
Today I find women complaining about not having the chance to step out to work or not getting enough time with their children. They are caught up in their own decisions. They don't read their own mind well. They are confused because of the society we now live in. They don't know what kind of decision will be accepted by the society. If they happily express that they are glad to be home they will be looked down upon. On the contrary even if they announce how exciting their careers are, they will be judged. This is truly sickening.
Why are not we able to live a simple life anymore where there is no fuss about anything.....everyone is just being themselves without pretending. Like our parents lived. When there was no need to prove.
I am too caught up in the fuss factor of today's society. But I wish to break free. Do you too?

License to parenting

Today having a baby is a huge affair. From the websites which update you about the weekly progress of your little one growing inside you to the maternity photo shoots. Having a child is a decision to make and not a natural process for a married couple unlike before. So it is celebrated in a fancy kind of way. Once you know you are going to have a baby, the celebration begins with the way you tell your parents, cousins, friends and relatives, followed by continuous debates and discussions with your friends who are pregnant along with you. Then comes the grand photo shoot where you pose with your husband and make memories for a lifetime. This has all become a step by step process that most of us follow. But the question is do we celebrate parenting as much as we celebrate being pregnant? Do all of us understand what parenting really means? I am no god but I am a mother and I have my mind in place.What hurts my heart terribly is that being a parent is taken so lightly. "Kya farak padta hai?!" are the most dangerous words a parent can utter and it is spoken too often.

A sensible parent should be able to teach his/her child basic keys to living a healthy and harmonious life. But sadly, parenting is reduced to clicking selfies with your child with a pout!
Important habits that have to be imbibed in the child from the age of two to three years old are conveniently ignored. I see parents throwing garbage on the road, a father spitting his lungs out in front of his son in a park, kids wasting water like they are capable to create it themselves. Just today morning I saw a girl holding a big piece of thermacol and littering the garden of the complex. What was shocking was her mother was right beside her busy chatting with a friend. I become speechless and feel a sense of shame that we Indians are such ignorant parents. We do not care about our surroundings and so fail to make our kids understand the same.

My five -year-old keeps questioning me when he sees waste being thrown on the road and I tell him that even if others do it he should not. I also tell him that he is free to politely tell people doing wrong to do right. here should be a license to parenting. Parent's capability to not just produce a baby but their sensibility to bring up their child should be screened. Only then will India will see a bright and clean future.

Are you a successful parent?

Before falling asleep it’s a ritual my mind follows without being told. It brings in some thoughts for me to chew upon till I finally slip into my deep sleep. I always remember Chetan Bhagats statement in his novel Two States about some people who have to shut down too many windows of thoughts in mind before falling asleep. I am definitely one of those people.
Last night my mind chose to think about my parents, not only my parents but also about being a parent. What does it actually mean? What it should mean? Since having E I have always wanted to do the best I can do so that he is happy, cheerful and healthy. But I keep asking myself, is it enough? Am I doing enough? Am I overdoing it? At such moments I immediately think about what my parents are for me. That helps me realize the answers for my questions.
Time has changed. It always does. That’s like the ground rule, isn’t it? But the emotions, the affection, the respect, the warmth, the principles, the friendship and most importantly the love in this most unique and natural relationship will remain unchanged. What determines the success of this relationship is the proportions of all the above in right measure. Not all parent – children relationships are a success. By success I mean whether there is love and respect or only fear, whether there is care and warmth or only duty, whether there is fun and laughter or only rules. These aspects decide whether the relationship is a success or not.
For me my parents are my pillars of strength, by that I mean when my mind is emotionally imbalanced, one phone call to them makes it alright. When I am worried about something, one message from them can make my attitude positive. When I am extremely happy I realize that they are happier than me for me. I cannot beat them at that. Whenever I have asked for anything, I have always received hundred times more. But the most magical fact about my relationship with them is that no matter how much they give they do not spoil me. They never preach what they don’t practise. That’s speaks volumes. I had read a quote somewhere that says – Children don’t listen, they observe. I guess my parents never had to be told this. They already knew.
When you strive to be a good parent, you become one. But it is most definitely a conscious effort you have to make every day. No one can replace a parent. No one can love as much. No one can care as much, except your own children. But only if  you succeed at making them feel all that you felt about your parents.
At times when I lie down with E to make him sleep he gently cuddles me, rolls his palm on my back as if he is taking care of me too and that is when I taste the success in my relationship as a mother.
As the night darkens, the chaos in my mind is replaced with a soothing humming sound and I fall asleep.

A Mother Never Grows Up

After we brought my little one to Singapore one of our friends passed on their baby cot to us. It was big enough for my elder one to sleep in easily. My  bub was too young to be sleeping in it so we kept nudging the elder one to begin sleeping all by himself. We encouraged him to try it and find out for himself how much fun it would be to share his own little bed with his favourite soft toys Woody , Buzz and the rest of the gang. Tonight he finally agreed. So my husband, in-spite of being awfully tired moved the cot near our double bed so that he could sleep beside us yet be independent. He excitedly brought all his favourties to his new bed. My little one was on my lap. I was humming a lullaby to him. And in no time my eyes filled with tears and my heart felt extremely heavy. A flash of the last four years I have spent with my first little cutie zoomed by. I could not contain my feelings and I began to cry. My eyes were acting like a stubborn child not willing to stop. He sensed it immediately and peeped in to look at me. He worriedly asked me what had happened and I couldn't bring myself to speak. I hugged him and cried some more. While my little one watched with his big black eyes in wonderment. I finally expressed to him how emotional it made me to let him sleep away. Every single night he had been beside me. Right from when he was just a little baby.. I realized that I needed him more than he has ever needed me. Tucking him in my quilt and singing to him did not seem like a routine any more. I realized that it is something I need to do, without that sweet ritual I might not be able to sleep or even breathe. The love in a mothers heart is as vast as the sky and as deep as the ocean. I was living that exact same feeling. The imagination of separating myself from my son itself seemed difficult forget acting upon it.
There will be so many such moments when I will have to remain strong enough and let him live his moment of independence. There will be so many instances when I will want a little more of him while he outgrows it all. He will need me less and less. I will have to prepare myself for it. Every transition is inevitable. It will make my heart sink but will also make me proud. Tonight was just a slight start to all that is in store.
The thoughts took me away to my mother. And I texted her saying that I miss her so much and that I could only discern how she must have felt while my brother and I were growing up.
As I placed my bub beside me I could hear him whispering to my husband that because I had cried he had decided to sleep beside me that night. I was so overwhelmed.
My baby was growing up. Real fast.

A Square or a Triangle? A square!!

Right from the time I was pregnant the second time to this day I am either asked why I dared to take the step again or I am praised and patted to have taken it up! That got me thinking. Why is it so hard for people to digest that a second baby does not always happen by mistake and can be a dream come true. I think having two kids is the best decision of my life. To come to that conclusion I don't need to wait for my kids to grow up. I know it for sure today itself. There are pretty solid reasons for believing this.
One. Since My little one (A) has arrived my first born(E) has suddenly acquired a sense of responsibility. He is on the run when it comes to the little tasks like bringing the diaper or calling me out when A cries. He doesn't need to be told to share. He insists that baby use all his toys and clothes. I have to assure him that once A grows up he will definitely share. He is a huge help when I massage and bathe A. He doesn't mind even if A pees on him. He has learnt to care and love more than he did before. I am sure they will have arguments and fights as they grow up, but that will make their growing up years more memorable. They will cherish their childhood together.
Two. Both of them will have a friend in each other for a lifetime. That's a mighty good reason.
Three. A family always has its own fun stories, moments of joy and sorrow, that incident when one of them had fallen off the stairs or how one of them  had a terrible haircut. Such and many more such little things are part of a happy close-nit family. When together, these memories are often talked about and laughed or cried at. My kids will always have each other to travel down the memory lane even when we wont be around. They will always have family around in each other's presence.
Four. They will always have someone to talk about stuff they might not be able to talk to us or anyone else. Including complaints about us.
Five.
The best gift that my parents ever gave me is my brother. That sums it up.
Definitely a square!