A Mother Never Grows Up

After we brought my little one to Singapore one of our friends passed on their baby cot to us. It was big enough for my elder one to sleep in easily. My  bub was too young to be sleeping in it so we kept nudging the elder one to begin sleeping all by himself. We encouraged him to try it and find out for himself how much fun it would be to share his own little bed with his favourite soft toys Woody , Buzz and the rest of the gang. Tonight he finally agreed. So my husband, in-spite of being awfully tired moved the cot near our double bed so that he could sleep beside us yet be independent. He excitedly brought all his favourties to his new bed. My little one was on my lap. I was humming a lullaby to him. And in no time my eyes filled with tears and my heart felt extremely heavy. A flash of the last four years I have spent with my first little cutie zoomed by. I could not contain my feelings and I began to cry. My eyes were acting like a stubborn child not willing to stop. He sensed it immediately and peeped in to look at me. He worriedly asked me what had happened and I couldn't bring myself to speak. I hugged him and cried some more. While my little one watched with his big black eyes in wonderment. I finally expressed to him how emotional it made me to let him sleep away. Every single night he had been beside me. Right from when he was just a little baby.. I realized that I needed him more than he has ever needed me. Tucking him in my quilt and singing to him did not seem like a routine any more. I realized that it is something I need to do, without that sweet ritual I might not be able to sleep or even breathe. The love in a mothers heart is as vast as the sky and as deep as the ocean. I was living that exact same feeling. The imagination of separating myself from my son itself seemed difficult forget acting upon it.
There will be so many such moments when I will have to remain strong enough and let him live his moment of independence. There will be so many instances when I will want a little more of him while he outgrows it all. He will need me less and less. I will have to prepare myself for it. Every transition is inevitable. It will make my heart sink but will also make me proud. Tonight was just a slight start to all that is in store.
The thoughts took me away to my mother. And I texted her saying that I miss her so much and that I could only discern how she must have felt while my brother and I were growing up.
As I placed my bub beside me I could hear him whispering to my husband that because I had cried he had decided to sleep beside me that night. I was so overwhelmed.
My baby was growing up. Real fast.